Sasuke's lists
by Sara Uchizumaki
Summary: Sasuke lists how and why he hates Sakura, and after why he loves Naruto, and a few random ones i added! XD


**A/N: This will be a list of things Sasuke hates that Sakura does, and maybe her appearance. I will try to make it as bashing as I possibly can, but I don't think it will work. Tell me what you think! Oh and I will also add things Sasuke loves about Naruto, and maybe some randomness, cause I felt bored! I welcome criticism!**

**Warning: Crude language, and, that's about it!**

**XxxxxXSAKURAXxxxxX**

Sakura, never come into my house in lingerie again. You have nothing I want. Period.

When you see me with Naruto, do _not _come over and put your nasty ass hands on me.

Sakura, don't think I won't kill you. You're not my teammate anymore.

When Naruto and I have had a fight, don't walk in on our makeup sex.

Don't ask me for makeup sex when I yell at you. You are just . . . EW to me.

Stop sneaking into my room and taking pictures of me sleeping. It's wrong on SO many levels.

Sakura stop asking me out. The fact that I kiss Naruto in public should be a clue why.

Don't come in the bathroom while I'm in the shower.

Don't come into my house at all.

Stop telling Ino I'm your future husband.

Hit Naruto again and your hand is coming off. I mean it.

Go look in the mirror before you call Naruto baka.

I swear if I see you in my bed without clothes on again, I will murder you.

Wait, didn't I tell you not to come into my house?

Never touch me. What did I tell you about your hands?

No I will not come to dinner with your family.

I don't care if you planned everything out.

I am NOT your future _HUSBAND!_

I don't give a crap that you love me.

You are the dumbest girl I've ever met.

Why did you just hump on me?!

I don't _CARE _if you're in the mood!

I don't like your chest lumps. Besides, you barely have any to look at.

Stop calling me. I've changed my number 67 times!

Stop trying to be seductive. It won't work.

Naruto and I don't want to have a threesome with you!

Why do you keep licking your lips? It's not attractive.

Your hair is pink!

Your eyes are green.

You are aggressive and you shriek like a banshee.

I'm not mean. I'm telling you the truth.

No I can't passionately punch you on the mouth with my lips. I can do it with my fist.

How do you keep getting my number?

I refuse to have a kid by you, and I refuse to name him/her Blossom.

Why the hell did you just press your chest stumps on my back?

It's not cute.

Just because you like rice with tomatoes doesn't mean you're my soul mate.

If glares could kill, you'd have died a while ago.

I don't give a flying fuck that I just called you bill board brow.

You deserved it, and I just despise you.

**XxxxxXNARUTOXxxxxX **

Your brilliant blue eyes sparkle.

You got over your crush on Sakura, and noticed me.

You scream my name when my cock hits that small bundle of nerves I love so much.

The way you laugh. It's magical.

You tried to poison Sakura.

The way your hair seems to catch the sunlight.

You don't think sucking me off is too one sided.

You are always in the mood for sex.

You help me forget about Sakura's naked body in our bed.

Naruto, I love how you remember to buy my tomatoes.

Think we can have some fun tonight?

I want sex.

Sometimes I think you're stupid on purpose.

I love you.

Your passion in the bed is amazing.

I love when you bite me.

You like it rough.

Are you gonna ride me tonight?

I want you to ride me tonight.

How did you get tomato flavored whipped cream?

I want to suck the whipped cream off of you.

Why are you mad at me?

You said you wanted it harder.

Shove ramen in my mouth again and I will shove something bigger in yours.

Don't look at Sakura.

You encouraged her to call me? Why?

You hate me don't you?

Did you just say you want makeup sex?

Hell yes.

Do you have pain pills?

No reason, just because.

Why did you invite Sakura over for a threesome?

I'm not getting into bed with her.

?

No reason, just because.

Why do you keep inviting Sakura over for a threesome?

I'm not getting into bed with her.

Why don't you have sex with me?

Oh, so I don't please you? Fine.

Don't cry Dobe I was joking.

I love you too.

I won't leave you.

D-Dobe what are you . . . aahh!

Wow, you just . . . wow.

You want me to fuck you or what?

Then why'd you suck my . . .

I'm still not gonna have a threesome with Sakura!

Yes! Of course I only want you.

She's a fucking leech, how could you . . .

I didn't kiss her under the mistletoe. She kissed me.

Of course I washed my mouth with soap after.

I didn't give her a Christmas present.

Yes I know what the deal was.

Do you not know what I went through just to tell her merry Christmas?

I'm going to give her something now. To make you happy. Ok?

She molested me Naruto . . . she fucking molested me.

Do you _not_ see this lipstick smudge on my cheeks?

Oh god! On my neck and lips too!

I barely got away before she pulled out her . . . chest numbs.

I'm so sorry Naruto! Think about puppies!

Better?

Good. I might need therapy after this.

Can we have sex now?

Yes! Get the fuck in the room.

…wow.

Each time…I fall in love a little more.

Yes I'm aware the neighbors heard.

They've known my name since we were fourteen.

Not because I'm an Uchiha, but because you scream loud.

It's not my fault. Tch do-

OWW WHAT THE FUCK YOU HIT ME FO-

NO DON'T DO IT AG-

NARUTO!

I'm SORRY!

Ok. Ok. Ok.

I swear if you do that again I'm gonna-

NO! STOP! AW!

Why you gotta be so mean?

I'm well aware that I started it.

That gave you no right to stomp me out like that!

No, I don't want you to rub-

Yeah . . . do that again.

Wait . . . I want to go to the bedroom.

Its sound prove at least.

You stomp me out and I don't even get some a-

OW!

IMMA GET A FUCKING RESTRAINING ORDER!

…I didn't think about that.

Forget it. Just don't do that again.

Well, would you like it if someone stomped your balls?

Oh right, you don't ha-

AHH! SHIT!

I'm SORRY! UNCLE! UNCLE!

NO! I WILL NEVER SAY IT AGAIN!

Damn. That shit hurt.

I won't be able to walk right for a week.

Tch I know you're sorry.

I love you too . . . Dobe.

**A/N: ok. I think this is a little better than I hoped. To anyone out there who could help me with details on other stories, I'm open to any SASUNARU OR NARUSASU suggestion. Any other pairing and I will castrate you. Especially if the pairing involves a certain pink haired slug named Sakura. She should be dead!**

**Loves and kisses! Sara-chan.**


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